The past few weeks I've had an awful lot on my mind, and seeing as this is this closest thing I have to a journal I thought I should put those thoughts down for posterity's sake. The topic at the forefront of my mind has been trials. Everyone has them, and I believe everyone needs them but that in no way takes away from the difficulties that are or lie ahead. As I looked at the hand of cards life has dealt me as of late it is often all I can do to stay sane, and yet as I play this game of life in those times when I cannot continue playing alone all I have to do is look over my shoulder and there is the Savior telling me how to play. With him I cannot lose. Although I have a perfect game-plan I sometimes insist on doing it alone, and when I can play no more then I look to Him. I wonder sometimes why I don't save myself the trouble and rely completely on Christ. But invariably there are times when I look to Christ and he says, "You can play this hand, you have the knowledge and I trust you." How humbled I am in those times to have the trust of the Savior. With Christ as my guide I cannot fail. Elder Holland said, when we suffer, often times that is when we are closest to God. While some suffer because of choices they make, my suffering was not my fault. At times I was tempted to blame or feel angry at God, like he had left me, but I can tell you this, I have never felt Him so close. He never left my side. As long as I left my heart open and humble He would come, with comfort and peace. How comforting it is to know I have a Savior who descended below it all, who knows exactly how I feel and can offer strength. When I was in seventh grade we were required to write a Shakespearean sonnet and as my mom was bedridden at the time I wrote it for her never knowing or hoping that it would apply to me but as life often does, it surprised me.
Trials
Above you like a mountain it towers
Never ceasing, ever changing, it looms
Nothing stops its everlasting power
Leaving in its path a wake of gloom
Relentlessly you fight the evil foe
Tirelessly you travel to the peak
Emanating a soft but powerful glow
Despite the fact that hope seems rather bleak
Dodging through the intricate web it weaves
With one purpose in mind you carry on
You realize now that it is just a key
You understand that it is almost gone
Even though the road ahead looks so long
You understand this trial made you strong
To my mom
Who never lost that glow
It is said that it takes enormous heat and pressure and time to make a diamond. The same is true of people. As we fight our way through trials, collecting scrapes and bruises on the way we become diamonds over time. As I look back on this trial and the things I have learned I hope I have allowed even the smallest part of me to shine a little brighter.
11 years ago